{"product_id":"regrettably-bunny","title":"Regrettably, Bunny","description":"\u003cp\u003eINTRODUCTION\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhy We Can't Have Nice Things\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis volume documents what happens when office equipment develops preferences.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI wish I could say this was fiction. I wish I could say this was exaggerated for comedic effect. I wish I could say that at any point during the compilation of this documentation, I thought \"this seems unreasonable to include.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI cannot say any of those things.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEverything in this volume is real. Everything in this volume has been documented according to standard protocols. Everything in this volume makes me question my life choices.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe break room microwave operates on what can only be described as \"vibes.\" It has opinions. It makes judgments. It refuses service to individuals it deems unworthy (see: Carl). It has a preferred user (see: Emma). It will not accept manual time input. It has a googly eye sticker that it is emotionally attached to.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI have filed seventeen complaints about this. Sixteen of them were filed by me, to myself, about having to deal with this.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe microwave works. The microwave works well. The microwave simply works in ways that certain individuals (see: Chad, Facilities Manager) cannot accept.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis volume exists to document:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eHow we got here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhy we're staying here\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhy Chad needs to stop trying to fix things\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this as a new employee: welcome to Velinwood Court. The microwave has opinions. Be nice to it. Don't cook fish. Emma can help you.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this as Chad: stop.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf Lost: Return to owner\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eor burn it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eInside::\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNon-Hr Approved Schedules\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDemotivations\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eEmotional forecasts\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePetty sign-offs\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eMany, many Velinwood Complaints about the operations (or lack thereof) in the Kingdom.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this as Carl: the 3rd floor break room is still an option.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIf you're reading this as anyone else: I'm sorry. We're all doing our best.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e— Bunny\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eOfficer of Anomalies and Petty Offenses Division\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Mixam","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":55417572327592,"sku":"b8167f50-f431-4cfa-9d14-3cffb64d2b1e","price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0715\/4430\/7880\/files\/12680af6-f0f6-4820-a628-a116b4352c0b_1-right.jpg?v=1775872430","url":"https:\/\/velinwoodcourt.com\/products\/regrettably-bunny","provider":"Velinwood Court","version":"1.0","type":"link"}