Bunny's Slap Schedule, Official Court Protocal
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Ceremonial Slap Schedule
Filed under: Bunny’s Department of Vengeful Timing and Courtly Shenanigans
Approved with excessive flair by the Petty Enforcer of Velinwood
Stamped once. Slapped twice.
Purpose of the Schedule:
To maintain order, dignity, and properly timed retribution within Velinwood Court, slaps shall be administered according to both offense and dramatic potential. Bunny reserves the right to rearrange this schedule based on wardrobe, lunar cycles, and whether or not he had breakfast.
Weekly Slap Calendar:
MONDAY — "Emotional Reset Day"
Slaps issued for crimes of ghosting, false apologies, and “just playing devil’s advocate.”
Optional post-slap therapy biscuit (served with bitter marmalade).
“You were not being honest. You were being lazy.”
TUESDAY — “Slap With a Side of Tea”
Offenses: Gossip framed as concern, unsanctioned gaslighting, and failure to notice a haircut.
Slaps served cold, with receipts.
“I brought screenshots. And my wrist is warmed up.”
WEDNESDAY — “Double Tap Day”
Backhand AND front hand for repeat offenders.
Bonus slap for anyone who says “you’re too sensitive.”
“You’re lucky it’s not an open-palm novella, darling.”
THURSDAY — “Ceremonial Slap & Sip”
Formal dress code enforced. Slaps delivered while holding a cocktail.
Target must make eye contact or receive a second strike for cowardice.
“This is for last autumn, when you ‘didn’t mean it like that.’”
FRIDAY — “Feral Hour”
Unscheduled slaps. Pure intuition. Bunny may appear at any time, like petty lightning.
“I smelled your intention. That was enough.”
WEEKENDS — “Rest & Reflect (Unless Provoked)”
The Court rests. Unless someone posts a vague passive-aggressive quote about “loyalty.”
In which case, Bunny appears in full velvet and heels.
“Rise and slap, Your Majesty. The peasants are tweeting again.”
Slap Request Form Available Upon:
Emotional labor unacknowledged
Crimes against snacks
Use of “calm down” during an argument
Mansplaining anything the Queen already patented