[Found taped to Bunny's desk, written in crayon]
How Black Holes Work (The Pasta Model):
- Things fall in (don't do this)
- Get stretched real long (spaghetti)
- Information becomes noodles
- Noodles go... somewhere (through the warp hole)
- Probably comes out as different pasta (penne? rigatoni?)
- Add meatballs (optional but recommended)
Bunny's note: "This is surprisingly accurate and I hate it"
EMMA'S BLACK HOLE THEORY:
"When things fall into a black hole, they don't get destroyed. They go on spaghetti vacation.
They get stretched real long (that's the spaghettification part, which is a real word and Bunny says scientists actually use it).
Then they go through the quantum pasta factory and come out somewhere else.
That's the vacation part. You're not gone. You're just... elsewhere. As pasta.
Bunny says this violates thermodynamics.
I say Bunny's never been on vacation."
"BAM!! PASTA!!"
THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE SOLUTION TO THE BLACK HOLE INFORMATION PARADOX.
The Problem:
- Information falls into black hole
- Can't be destroyed (physics law)
- But can't escape (event horizon)
- WHERE DOES IT GO???
Emma's Solution: "It comes out the other side with a bang like BAM!! PASTA!!"
Thermodynamics satisfied ✓ (energy conserved)
Information conserved ✓ (it's IN the pasta)
No paradox ✓ (just relocated pasta)
BUNNY'S OBJECTION: "But Emma, we have no evidence pasta exits—"
EMMA: "Have you CHECKED on the other side?"
BUNNY: "...no one can get to the other side to check"
EMMA: "Then you don't know there's NOT pasta. BAM!! PASTA!!"
BUNNY: facedesk
The official Emma Black Hole Model:
Input: Matter + Information
Process: Spaghettification → Quantum Pasta Factory
Output: BAM!! PASTA!! (on spaghetti vacation, other side)
Thermodynamics: FINE, it all came out as pasta
Information Paradox: SOLVED, it's in the noodles
THE BIG BANG WAS JUST:
BAM!! PASTA!!
EMMA'S UNIFIED THEORY:
"Okay so like, everything in the universe came from one point, right? The Big Bang?
What if that was just the OTHER SIDE of a black hole?
Like, something fell into a black hole somewhere else, went through spaghettification, traveled through the quantum pasta factory, and then came out HERE as—
BAM!! PASTA!!
That's the Big Bang.
It's just pasta arriving from spaghetti vacation.
Our ENTIRE UNIVERSE is someone else's black hole leftovers."
BUNNY: "Emma, you just described white hole theory"
EMMA: "I described PASTA"
BUNNY: "...which is accidentally correct cosmological theory, yes"
EMMA: "So you're saying the universe is made of pasta"
BUNNY: "I'm saying I need to lie down"
ENDING SCENE:
Emma (excited): "So if the Big Bang is pasta, then planets are obviously MEATBALLS"
Bunny: stares
Emma: "Think about it. Round, dense, scattered through the universe—"
[Reginald bursts in]
Reginald: "I've just had the MOST BRILLIANT theatrical vision! clears throat dramatically"
"On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed—"
Bunny: slowly stands up
Bunny: "I'm relocating."
Queen: "To where?"
Bunny: "A different kingdom. Any kingdom. One without pasta cosmology."
Queen: "You can't."
Bunny: "Why not?"
Queen: "You don't have any other friends."
Bunny: sits back down
Bunny: opens ledger
Bunny: writes "Reasons to Regret Everything: Entry #847"
[Reginald continues singing in background]
[Emma starts drawing planet meatballs]
[Bunny contemplates existence]
Spaghetti vacation solves information paradox
END
Ceremonial Recipe Page
Penne al Penumbra
(Filed under: Codex Glossary – Culinary Architecture)
Ingredients:
-
11 oz penne pasta (al dente, as pillars demand firmness)
-
3 cloves garlic, minced (whispers in stone)
-
1 blackened onion (char = shadow)
-
1 cup midnight tomatoes (slow-roasted, skins wrinkled like old parchment)
-
½ cup heavy cream (the mortar)
-
A handful of basil leaves (for the illusion of life)
-
Salt (as ancient as ruins)
-
Pepper (ground with judgment)
-
Parmesan shards (the fallen masonry)
Method:
-
Boil the penne until it stands upright of its own accord. (If it collapses, the Court will collapse with it. Do better.)
-
In a pan, coax garlic and onion toward the edge of ruin, not yet ash.
-
Add the tomatoes, pressing them like grievances into pulp.
-
Stir in cream slowly, like patching cracks in marble.
-
Toss the penne through this shadowed mortar until the sauce clings as memory clings.
-
Scatter basil leaves as ivy at the ruin’s base.
-
Finish with Parmesan shards, dropped like crumbled stone from the capital of a forgotten pillar.
Keeper’s Footnote:
“Eat reverently. Or irreverently. Either way, you’re part of the architecture now.”
Codex Glossary Emblem
Penne Pillar
(Formal Sketchplate, sealed by Keeper’s hand)
This ink plate is now the official emblem of the motif. It will appear beside entries in the Codex, stamped on marginalia, and possibly watermarked on absurd ceremonial recipes.
Keeper’s Note (attached to plate):
“Yes. It is pasta. Yes. We filed it formally. No, we will not be taking questions.”
Codex Entry: Penne Pillar
Symbol Type: Living Motif → Elevated Absurdity
Origin: A throwaway reference to structural pasta, promptly over-filed by Archivarius and immortalized by repetition.
Meaning:
-
Courtly Persistence — a reminder that even nonsense, repeated often enough, becomes tradition.
-
Resistance to Collapse — “if a pillar of penne still stands, so will I.”
-
Culinary Architecture — absurd faith in building kingdoms out of what’s at hand.
Notes:
-
May appear in doodles, letter margins, or as a ceremonial dish (Penne al Penumbra).
-
Emma is rumored to gnaw at its base.
Court Footnotes:
-
Bunny (margin scrawl):
“Architectural cosplay with carbs. I approve. Barely.” -
Archivarius (ink-stamped note):
“For the record: structurally unsound. Filed anyway.”
Emma (scribbled in blackberry juice):
“Mine. Pillar snack. Chomp.”
Bunny denies all involvement, but his handwriting has been spotted in annotations: “structurally unsound, but fashionable.”
Coming soon:
THE VELINWOOD KITCHENS:
A collection of chaos cooking stories, pasta cosmology, and the structural significance of noodles
Contents:
- Faith's coffee experiments (The Barista)
- Fire's Christmas glitter oatmeal (OAF origins)
- The Sandwich Affair (we're still not asking)
- Emma's Spaghetti Vacation (black hole theory)
- Velin's Penne Pillar (the bastardization that started it all)
- Penne Portrait (in memoriam)
- Reginald's musical rendition
- Bunny's resignation letter