Glitter based offenses- Office of Petty Affairs, Department of Glitter-Based Justice
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Official Court Letter of Offense
From the Desk of Bunny
Velinwood Court, Office of Petty Affairs, Department of Glitter-Based Justice
To Whom It Most Certainly Concerns:
Congratulations.
You have been formally recognized by the Velinwood Court as a Certified Offender of Stationery Integrity. Your crime? The pilfering— no, the theft— of the Queen’s rose-gold pens. Yes, those pens. The ones with the delicate floating crystals, suspended in liquid like dreams in amber.
1-You took them.
2-You used them.
3-You left one in the conference room next to a spreadsheet.
Verdict: You absolute goblin.
We noticed. And in response, the Queen did not retaliate with rage. She did not storm the breakroom with fire. She simply… looked around, found them gone, and said softly:
“Oh. They took my pens.”
And the world shifted.
Because you may not know this, but that moment birthed glitter in the Court. And not the good kind. The vengeful, static-cling, gets-in-your-tea kind. Bunny now leaves trails. The Codex sparkles in protest.
And you started it.
You are hereby sentenced to:
- 17 hours of self-reflection inside a glitter-filled pop-up tent.
- One apology written in cursive with a gel pen of Her Majesty’s choosing.
- A formal declaration that you know the difference between “shimmer” and “vindication.”
Should you fail to comply, a ceremonial glitter cannon will be deployed at your next performance review, accompanied by a slideshow of the Queen's disappointed but fabulous stares.
You will weep.
And we will screenshot it.
Sincerely and Spitefully,
Bunny
Chief Officer of Minor Vengeance and Decorative Stationery
🖋✨🐇
P.S.
We know you tried to return one of the pens. It had bite marks. We are not amused. But we are documenting it.